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Submitted on
June 14, 2012
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509 KB
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I Just Don't Know What Went Wrong... by Bukoya-Star I Just Don't Know What Went Wrong... by Bukoya-Star
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This is my first critique, but here I go.

The picture is okay,but here's the many problems. The first one is, the cloud doesn't look like it just shot lightning. Maybe put a hard-to-see-but-there layer of lightning at the bottom of the cloud? And here's the the second problem. Twilight's mane wouldn't really do that, it would slightly poof up, instead of it looking ripped off from her mane. If it was ripped off from her mane, there would be little pieces of hair on her and on the ground. And, wouldn't there be more clouds and pegasi in the background? And is it just me, or is Twilight floating? Plus, I'd think that Derpy would be a little bit higher up, so she wouldn't know who she hit.

And now, i'm gonna tell you my voting reasons, if you don't mind me blabbering on.

Vision: 4.5. Probably the most reasonable I could give.

Originality: 4.5. You missed half a point, because of the title.

Technique: 5. The way you do your pictures are adorable, anyone can tell you that.

Impact: 4.5. Again, probably the most reasonable I could give.

Yet again, thank you for dealing with my rambling. I hope I didn't bore you.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
21 out of 27 deviants thought this was fair.

Adorable, as always. The primary thing that I think could be better is that I think this particular image would've worked best as a three panel comic. One panel for Derpy bouncing on the cloud (or otherwise messing with it) with Twilight below, one of Twilight getting zapped, and this one. The lead in would make this panel more amusing, I feel, and provide some general cuteness in the form of Derpy messing with a cloud--and who doesn't love Derpy cuteness?

Outside of my thoughts on making it a comic rather than a single image, your work is always incredibly adorable. It doesn't exactly line up with the show's style, but that's very clearly not a matter of skill--you've got your own style here, and it's one that's really VERY compatible with brightly colored ponies. Both your usual style (as seen here) and your chibi style work well, but I think you made the right choice here in going with the non-chibi.

One thing I particularly like is Twilight's still dazed/startled expression. This piece definitely has a home in my folder of pony art.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
36 out of 38 deviants thought this was fair.

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Ajdrianpony Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013
I love eyes :)  This is awesome :)
Centaur71 Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2013
Twilight thinks; "so THAT'S what zap apple jam tastes like..."
timstro59 Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013
Twilight, It looks like you've been *sunglasses* THUNDERSTRUCK!!!!
Psychosityc Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013
"i just dont know what went wrong...."....yea right!

Derpy, master of thunder!
:iconkissplz: - Derp of thunder!

and rockin Rooooolllll.....
Zarcan Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012
such a shocking mane =3
FireheartTheInferno Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Haha! Aww~ This is so ridiculously cute. I need to add you to my watchlist pronto! :meow:
killerdanielx Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012
that's a shocking result
alek4ever Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2012
Best manestyle ever :D
SilentCarto Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Tearahk Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It may just be me but it looks like Twilight enjoyed the shock XD
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