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Submitted on
June 14, 2012
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I Just Don't Know What Went Wrong... by Bukoya-Star I Just Don't Know What Went Wrong... by Bukoya-Star
~
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:iconditzydooderpyhooves:
This is my first critique, but here I go.

The picture is okay,but here's the many problems. The first one is, the cloud doesn't look like it just shot lightning. Maybe put a hard-to-see-but-there layer of lightning at the bottom of the cloud? And here's the the second problem. Twilight's mane wouldn't really do that, it would slightly poof up, instead of it looking ripped off from her mane. If it was ripped off from her mane, there would be little pieces of hair on her and on the ground. And, wouldn't there be more clouds and pegasi in the background? And is it just me, or is Twilight floating? Plus, I'd think that Derpy would be a little bit higher up, so she wouldn't know who she hit.

And now, i'm gonna tell you my voting reasons, if you don't mind me blabbering on.

Vision: 4.5. Probably the most reasonable I could give.

Originality: 4.5. You missed half a point, because of the title.

Technique: 5. The way you do your pictures are adorable, anyone can tell you that.

Impact: 4.5. Again, probably the most reasonable I could give.

Yet again, thank you for dealing with my rambling. I hope I didn't bore you.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
21 out of 27 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconrhiss:
Adorable, as always. The primary thing that I think could be better is that I think this particular image would've worked best as a three panel comic. One panel for Derpy bouncing on the cloud (or otherwise messing with it) with Twilight below, one of Twilight getting zapped, and this one. The lead in would make this panel more amusing, I feel, and provide some general cuteness in the form of Derpy messing with a cloud--and who doesn't love Derpy cuteness?

Outside of my thoughts on making it a comic rather than a single image, your work is always incredibly adorable. It doesn't exactly line up with the show's style, but that's very clearly not a matter of skill--you've got your own style here, and it's one that's really VERY compatible with brightly colored ponies. Both your usual style (as seen here) and your chibi style work well, but I think you made the right choice here in going with the non-chibi.

One thing I particularly like is Twilight's still dazed/startled expression. This piece definitely has a home in my folder of pony art.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
36 out of 38 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconajdrianpony:
Ajdrianpony Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013
I love eyes :)  This is awesome :)
Reply
:iconcentaur71:
Centaur71 Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2013
Twilight thinks; "so THAT'S what zap apple jam tastes like..."
Reply
:icontimstro59:
timstro59 Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013
Twilight, It looks like you've been *sunglasses* THUNDERSTRUCK!!!!
Reply
:iconpsychosityc:
Psychosityc Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2013
"i just dont know what went wrong...."....yea right!

Derpy, master of thunder!
:iconkissplz: - Derp of thunder!

and rockin Rooooolllll.....
Reply
:iconzarcan:
Zarcan Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012
such a shocking mane =3
Reply
:iconfirehearttheinferno:
FireheartTheInferno Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Haha! Aww~ This is so ridiculously cute. I need to add you to my watchlist pronto! :meow:
Reply
:iconkillerdanielx:
killerdanielx Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012
that's a shocking result
Reply
:iconalek4ever:
alek4ever Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2012
Best manestyle ever :D
Reply
:iconsilentcarto:
SilentCarto Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
I know EVERYTHING!
Reply
:icontearahk:
Tearahk Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It may just be me but it looks like Twilight enjoyed the shock XD
Reply
:iconthe-sky-walker:
The-Sky-Walker Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2012  Hobbyist
When Derpy crashes with a cloud at 88 mph we're going to see some serious shit
Reply
:iconnelsonngyn0:
Nelsonngyn0 Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I Just Don't Know What Makes You So Cute
Reply
:iconanetopachy:
AnetoPachy Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I know many people don't mind, but it upsets me a little. Doesn't Derpy Hooves only have three stands of front mane cut? [link]
Reply
:iconweirdnwild91:
weirdnwild91 Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Oh, Derpy~
Reply
:iconlord-siver:
Lord-Siver Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012
>.< run derpy has a cloud XD
Reply
:icondarkus-moon-shine:
Darkus-Moon-Shine Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2012
lol
Reply
:iconricky47:
Ricky47 Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2012  Student General Artist
zap zap :XD:
Reply
:icon8loodyrain:
8loodyrain Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconbrohoof1plz:
Reply
:iconscyphi:
Scyphi Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
She's just giving Twilight's day an added spark. :)
Reply
:icondarthwill3:
DarthWill3 Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You're the one who went wrong!
Reply
:iconlordgala:
lordgala Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012
oh durpy we love you
Reply
:icontrainman666:
trainman666 Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hahahahahahaha, oh poor Twilight.
Reply
:iconechodonut:
Echodonut Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Cool hair!
Reply
:iconk4nk4n:
K4nK4n Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012
Poor Twilight. Very cute, though.
Reply
:iconkobrakin:
Kobrakin Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012
I know what went wrong! Unicorn horns are natural lightning rods. ;p
Reply
:iconmylooneypony:
myLOONEYpony Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Your style has a very nice mix Japanese cartoony-ness. I hope to be just as appealing as your pieces. :)
Reply
:iconcarlosraruto:
carlosraruto Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012
I really like her mane!.
Reply
:icondejiko07:
DeJiKo07 Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012
Crazy Twi has returned!!
Reply
:icondibullba:
Dibullba Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012
Even in a drawfiend, I can tell what art is yours. Must be great to have a style that can be identified as your own. Though I do wonder if I would be able to tell if an art piece by you with a different subject matter could still be identifiable with you.
Reply
:iconexmedal:
ExMedal Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012  Student
I do
Reply
:iconjoebrony:
JoeBrony Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012
Yay, Derpy! :heart:
Reply
:iconarccahlon:
ArcCahlon Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
unicorn horn. the natural lightning rod heh
Reply
:icongwarrior456:
gwarrior456 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Not again Derpy! :iconderpy-plz:
Reply
:iconbb-k:
BB-K Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Lol, zappy. :o Whatever we do, don't touch Twilight.
Reply
:iconkrissiekat:
KrissieKat Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
Lol Dpery I thought the Doctor told you to not create time paradoxes XD
Reply
:iconbuckykatt42:
Buckykatt42 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
Did? Did she just enjoy that?
Reply
:iconpink--champagne:
Pink--Champagne Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
Derpy is best hairstylist.
Reply
:iconwolfking164:
Wolfking164 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
Haha. Twilight kind of looks like she derped.
Reply
:iconkonics:
konics Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
yay derpy :)
Reply
:iconzaiali:
zaiali Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
"Hey Twilight, Love the new hairstyle!"
Reply
:iconohcf:
OHCF Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
Now you are ready for time travel, Twilight Sparkle.
Reply
:iconpapermatt202:
PaperMatt202 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
I love you so much Derpy!
Reply
:iconbroznik592:
broznik592 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
Woo! Derpy loves future Twi too!
Reply
:icondekomaru:
Dekomaru Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Derpy! What have you done? You've created a time paradox!
Reply
:iconsteampunkbrony:
SteampunkBrony Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
twilight looks rather *sunglasses* shocked.
Reply
:icontophxomi:
tophxomi Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
aww!
Reply
:icondeadcobra:
DeadCobra Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
Funny
Reply
:iconawadd:
awadd Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
Looks like she enjoyed that a little too much.
Reply
:iconimacake:
imacake Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
EYES
Reply
:iconbamart19:
BAMART19 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
Nice hairstyle Twi! How did you get it?
Reply
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